Breaking point…

There comes a point in everyone’s life where they can no longer be strong, or weak – it depends on the way you look at it i suppose…

For me that was tonight and i was both at the same time…

I no longer want to be strong for anyone else or be weak in myself, i just want to be and all i want to be is me. I am done trying: to fit the mold, to be accepted, to be what other people think i should be, to conforming to “the” rules. I am me and this is me and if you don’t accept this or approve of who i am then there is no space, for you, in my life.

Tonight i have realized that the only people i need in my life are the ones who accept me for who i am and what i stand for, and if those people are few and far between i would gladly take that over the forced interactions i have to deal with on a daily basis.

What matters in life are the people who would drop anything for you at the drop of a hat, not the ones that are only around when things are going well. If you don’t have these kinds of people in your life then you’re doing things wrong.

Life is not about who you’re with or who you know its about being yourself  and  who will be there in the end when all the rest doesn’t matter

 

 

“To: Who I thought we could be”

I like who I am, I know who I am, and I know one day i’ll find someone as passionate, intense and crazy as I am – and yes we may punch a few fridges and doors and fall off the tracks every now and again but we’ll be there to pick each other up afterwards and i know it will never be half-hearted in any way at all. We will be best friends who stay up late just because the hours seem to pass by, we’ll teach each other things about life that we never knew possible and we’ll be there for each other for the things that really matter, the things you feel you can’t tell anyone else and even the things that don’t matter at all, to stand beside and lift each other up when it feels like there’s nobody in the world that cares and the dark hole of despair that you’ve sunk into seems inescapable. To try things that you wouldn’t have the courage to do on your own, because with them, for the first time in your life, you trust and you feel safe. To sit in absolute silence in each others company and still be able to express so much even through an act so small. To let them see the deepest, darkest crevices of your soul, your anger, fear and doubts about life, love, yourself and everything in-between because you know it’s not all about sunshine and roses it’s about the raw intensity of both the good and bad and it not being about you and me but about us – and the best part about it all? is knowing that through all of it there will still be someone standing besides you with an understanding smile and that same crazy intense passion.

Love and life should be a twister of emotions and feelings, feeling everything down to your core, the pain, the elation. Maybe, to some, being average and trudging through this numbed world is enough to get by… but for me it’s not, I want to feel the deepest pain, anger, fear and doubts so that i can enjoy the highest ecstasy of happiness, love and life – and i want to find someone who dares to do this with me.

And until then I like who I am and I’m learning to love who I am too, and no one is going to take that away from me, not even you, not ever.